Moms and dayghters having sex
In retrospect, I have come to think that the sex talk is difficult for a host of reasons: When Mintle was a well-established professional in her 30s, her mom would still tell her what to do. And when I finally steeled myself for this mother-daughter talk, I was sure that I was prepared. Not resolving conflict can have surprising consequences. I wanted her to know that it was always okay to talk to me. I told her plainly that I wanted to talk to her about sex.
But if you want to reach me during the day [with something] more urgent, just text me. And though I knew she had learned about sex at school, I had things that I wanted to tell her myself: Think of it as a dance, she said. Balance individuality and closeness. What that meant over the years was rather than trying to have a single, all-important, have-to-get-it-perfect talk, we were able to discuss different subjects more casually, broaching them as they came up—first date, first kiss, first boyfriend. When Mintle was a well-established professional in her 30s, her mom would still tell her what to do. In retrospect, I have come to think that the sex talk is difficult for a host of reasons: Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. Interestingly, this can still alter your relationship. As moms, we have no real role models in this regard. One way to ease into reconnecting with your mom or daughter is by setting clear-cut boundaries. And the entire exercise signifies that our daughters are growing up and away from us, which can be emotionally difficult for everyone. Boundaries are key for any healthy relationship. There is no standard message that fits all families. I imagined her caught unaware, uninformed and unprepared. When I was finally done, she stared at me, shrugged her shoulders and said: This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too, she said. Without giving her a chance to speak, and before I lost my nerve, I told her that she should not—under any circumstances—engage in such an intimate act. Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. We learn how to deal with conflict and negative emotions through our families, Mintle said. Whatever your relationship with your mother or daughter, you can always make improvements. Talk about how you want to communicate. This idea can develop from an early age. But pick your battles. When one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes. This not only made my job easier because she learned the basics there, but also because talking about sex at school with her teachers and among her peers demystified the subject , making it less awkward to talk about with me.
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