Poly sex with others
After I shared this and was in tears I think he was a lot more understanding and reassured me he wasn't trying to end our relationship or something and asked me what I needed from him. A few months ago I asked him how he felt about me bringing partners around I wasn't dating anyone at the time and cuddling or kissing in situations when he can see it, he said he didn't care about that, basically saying that if I want to invite people over I can do whatever I want. I'm actually very loving, but I'm an introvert so being alone isn't boring to me. It's all about making your life fur who you are. Right now I have several secondaries who themselves all have other primaries and no primary, because I am really freaking busy and don't have time for a primary relationship right now. For a while it bothered me because I didn't really know if I could do the same thing and of course I don't want any double standards in this relationship. Which I agreed with him on. I said that I've reached the point where I think I would be fine seeing him affectionate with other people in front of me but not sure if I could necessarily handle him having sex with someone else through the walls. He has identified as poly for 10 years, we also recently found out he may be on the spectrum so I believe there may be some black and white thinking about this, he claims to never experience jealousy so I don't know if that plays a factor.
I told him I needed some patience and management of expectations. He probably was able to see people outside of our relationship, while I got to see 2. I'm actually very loving, but I'm an introvert so being alone isn't boring to me. This is fine as long as everyone is on the same page about expectations. I said I'm not going to do anything that I wouldn't be okay with him doing, and even offered the compromise of just leaving the home or making other plans if he's going to have someone over or using a distraction like music cause the walls are hella thin here. I felt loved and the times all three of us were social together remain some of my favorite memories. When I had two partners I was happier than any other time in my life. I think my boyfriend reacted well in the end but his doubt felt really unfair to me when I feel like I've come a long way in terms of separating the bad experiences I had with my ex to what I have with my boyfriend now. With the girl it is more likely her boyfriend may be out of the house if we spend time together. He has identified as poly for 10 years, we also recently found out he may be on the spectrum so I believe there may be some black and white thinking about this, he claims to never experience jealousy so I don't know if that plays a factor. A few months ago I asked him how he felt about me bringing partners around I wasn't dating anyone at the time and cuddling or kissing in situations when he can see it, he said he didn't care about that, basically saying that if I want to invite people over I can do whatever I want. I also made sure to say that doesn't mean I'm going to be upset if he tells me it's happening. Which I agreed with him on. The girl I am seeing also has a boyfriend so in both situations they may be around, although I mainly expressed concern with my boyfriend because our schedules are identical. I've only identified as poly for about 2. So for example your wife might be your primary and your girlfriend might be your secondary. Over on Reddit, people in said unions opened up about their experiences-- and yes, they most certainly spilled the juicy details on their sex lives. He seemed to approach me voicing this with concern, saying something along the lines of "any hesitation on either side may not end well" and said that he doesn't want me to have permission to do things in our home that he can't also do. I'm single by choice right now because I am not in a loving intimate head space at this time in my life. Again he seemed to express some doubt that I was really okay with him seeing other people. They called me a cold fish. It's all about making your life fur who you are. I told him that I am working through some things that have played into my difficulties with identifying as poly in the first place and working through jealousy. It's not about lots of sex, even though I understand that is how it seems from the outside. And use Google Calendar. It depends, of course.
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